Things to do on Planet 095- number three: Visit the Pickled Sandwich- flash fiction

The very last sandwich Joseph Howser ever ate was pickled in a fancy jar on display at the Smith. Not the Smith in D.C., but rather the much more acclaimed, and vastly better funded Smithsonian of the New New York on Planet 095. A short search on Gooooogle Galaxy  will show that it is located conveniently off of the pan-galactic interstate 10.

To those families who have Wormholed across half the galaxy for days, The Sandwich is and will always be the most obligatory stop on their journey through the inter-galactic museum district. If one was to visit the Upper Westside of the Milky Way Galaxy, one must do the top three things as featured in Time’s Time Traveler’s edition circa 2120.

Granted, the now famous article was originally created as a joke of which the punchline only occurred centuries after it was regrettably published by a drunk journalist who happened to have had a terribly bad one-night stand with an equally drunk editor. A night during which both inebriated professionals competed to out-perform the other with a comprehensive list of the stupidest travel landmarks their shot-addled brains could make up.

After 10 shots, the editor won with number 134.

It was meant to be a satiric commentary, one that mused over the hijack of multi-culturalism by eager capitalism and tourism magnates. And despite its less than favorable beginnings, it really was a tremendous article.

The only problem was that no one really got the joke.

So with great dedication, the public began a unified impulse to bring the list to life. #TouristHacks spread like wildfire and appeared in the manner of media filters and riled up celebrities on late night talk shows. Like a self-fulfilled prophecy, the destinations began to be discovered, renamed, and in some cases, invented from thin air. It took only 200 years for all 134 items to be completely checklisted. It took another 400 for the article itself (and along with it a slew of pertinent details) to be lost once and for all.

It took exactly 2000 years for the list to become legend.

Which brings us to this. As Time’s Time Traveler’s edition of 2120 would have it, the three most important places and things to visit and do are to:

One, eat an alcoholic banana that grew from an apple tree in the orchards of Parryton.

Two, visit the museum dedicated to the Genocide of the Jobblywocks.

And three, go see the pickled sandwich of Joseph Howser.

As famous as Joseph Howser was, The Sandwich ultimately became even more. Not so much for it’s tastiness or even for its prophesization in the now sacred Time’s article. Rather, it was due to the curious fact that Howser met with his untimely end exactly 23 seconds after his first bite into the snack.

The Deadliest Sandwich in the World!

Such a name just made for a better attraction.


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